ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize