I wish I could teleport
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
