I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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