is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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