im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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