Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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