I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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