sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
