it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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