Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
