There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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