I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
