Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
