then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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