My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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