I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
