I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
