No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
