he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
