Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
