I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
