Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
