I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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