we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
