Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
