just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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