Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
