; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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