he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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