just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
