she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
