summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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