how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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