smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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