that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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