well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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