The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
