I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
