The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
