Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
