I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
