Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
