did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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