We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
