Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
