please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Say something about gay babies.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
