I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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