I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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