This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
