I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
