I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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