There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
