I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
