So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
