I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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