You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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