after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize