Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
