Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
