he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
