It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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