Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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