a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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