i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
