The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
smell my finger.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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