oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
