I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
