I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
