His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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