the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
