Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
