I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
