oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize