Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
