Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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