im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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