i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
