Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
