Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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