I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
