whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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