Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
