I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
