South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
