why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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