TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i've created a new STD.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize