Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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