i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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