I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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