I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
