its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
