So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
