google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize