On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
