Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
