I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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