Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
