i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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