I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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