you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
