The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
