I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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