He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
