I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
