i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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