so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
