So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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