There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
