I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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