It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
