I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
