She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
